grow our own food?

A friend last night said, "i have not been anxious until today." Well, I got anxious sometime last week, but yesterday definitely made it worse.

Another friend said, "well, if we really trust God, we know he'll take us through this." Yes, but the primary means of grace on earth, now, are people - God's people - and, at least i believe, he has given us gifts, like wisdom, to get us through things. So we don't stick our head in the sand - even if the entire time its in there we are praying. Because we are called to repair, not just to have faith. Not to mention that we made it through the great depression and two world wars - we made it through, yes, though God's grace, but it wasn't like people didn't have to get out there and hoe the fields because they were praying hard enough.

Which brings me to the title of this post - how well equipped are we really to take care of ourselves when we cannot run to the bakery for bread and the grocery store for every item under the sun, not to mention walmart for aluminum foil, etc.

Could Paul and I grow a substantial amount of the food that we eat? and will we have to? and whether we have to or not, isn't it a good idea to know how? and even if it isn't due to poverty, wouldn't it be better anyway?

wonder if the fondren association would be upset if we kept a dairy goat in our back yard?

anyway, i'm anxious. about all sorts of things, but especially our lack of ability, as a society, to be remotely self-sufficient. how much of our food do we import? how much of it do we make at home? wonder what my grandfather is thinking about all of this? he lived through the first great depression. wonder if my baby brother who is in the midst of freshman-at-ole-miss-free-for-all is wondering whether he'll forever have unlimited keystone light?

I am thankful for our lack of debt. thankful for my babies. thankful for the equity in my house. and thankful for my ability to create meals that cost 3.00 total. perhaps our recent endeavor into less money has been a blessing in disguise - a blessing preparing us for longterm 3.00 meals.

i don't like the idea of that. dammit.

fall is on the way

i have been in heaven with these cooler days - not that they are my ideal weather or anything, but they are signs that it is on its way.

paul is still loving teaching, which is a blessing and a curse - a blessing because thank the lord that he has found something he loves - and it is something he can do in any way/under any circumstances, at any time. But, if he sticks with it, it means that he'll never earn a significant income - if we stay in mississippi, that is. he does stay frustrated with the bureaucracy. I am trying to listen without editing what he says, which is a huge weakness of mine. we'll see. it is a constant prayer and meditation that i can be a sounding board and answer questions without offering unsolicited advice, which is almost always taken as criticism.

eason is doing wonderfully -climbing, exploring, learning new words (though not nearly as many as his sister had at his age - but the pediatrician and others keep telling me she was very abnormal...) - just generally being a happy child. he is getting over the separation anxiety stage he was in during july and august, which is good. I thought it was just a stage, and it is always good to have your parenting instincts affirmed.

ada brooks, on the other hand, is worrying me. Not because she is unhappy or unhealthy - but because she doesn't seem made to be part of the system - she came home last spring from her preschool, which is admittedly not rigorous, but i mean, its pre school - she was three - they are sweet, and kind and teaching the children important social skills as well as the beginnings of learning academic things - anyway - she came home and, unsolicited, said "mama, i wish i went to a school where i learned things." - i sort of brushed it off, but obviously didnt forget it. Well, in the past few weeks, i though things would be better - the four year old program at st.lukes is much more structured and has successfully prepared kids, for years, for the most rigorous kindergarten classes in jackson. but she's still not satisfied - very vocally not satisfied - and not pitching a fit - just sort of sad and bored. and I am very concerned that she will require a creative solution - we are working on supplementing, which sounds like the most attractive option to me- so we will see how that goes.

my mama and daddy continue to make me sad, but i do have a peace about them being separate from us - about my responsibility to my children and family.

mine and paul's struggle continues to be career centered - who will go first, what will it be (that one is especially an issue for him), etc.

but the weather is turning cooler, so all is looking up.

side note - book club this month is doing milan kundera's the book of laughter and forgetting - i am about 20 pages from the end and really loving it. his style is not mine - its a little too funky and jumping around, but it is good for me to make myself read something like that - it is still very good and its like food that i refuse to eat - sometimes its awesome and its just my own stubbornness that comes back to bite me in the bum.

life is good.